Tag Archives: brother

My family tree

family-treeBefore we go much further in our relationship, it’s time that I do a little explaining.  To fully understand and appreciate the neuroses that make up me, you must first understand my parents.  With Mother’s and Father’s Days quickly approaching, I thought now would be an excellent time to explain my family and do a little tribute to the Brydes*.

* Clearly an alias as my identity must remain hush-hush.  Don’t ask questions.  Just nod your head.

Momma Bryde grew up as the surprise and delight of a child from a marriage to an older mom and a much older dad.  Her family had money, and while my mom had worked for everything she has, she certainly isn’t above spoiling herself or her only daughter, moi.  Hmm..maybe “spoiling” isn’t the right term to use.  Let’s just say that I’m a very grounded person, but my momma’s got my back.  She’s got excellent taste and tact and puts it to good use.  When I was at summer camp she used to send me Chanel nail polish.  ???  K’ma.  Thanks!  Love ya!  When I’m sick, she’ll show up with a copy of Vogue and a can of chicken soup.  Every Christmas I get the newest it-thang of which no one has heard of and of which everyone will want the following summer.  The woman does her homework.  When I need the perfect pair of shoes or sunglasses or accessory or bag, into her closet I go.   It’s never failed me.   She’s extremely kind, smart, funny, and straight-forward.  She doesn’t put up with shit from anyone, and I love her!

My father grew up in a crowded, dysfunctional family with no money and little guidance.  My dad’s mom was not the most attentive parent and married a series of men who ranged from equally inattentive to abusive.  My father is really a success story in that he could have followed in the same path of which was modeled for him by his family, but instead he rose above his situation and tucked all those bad experiences away for examples of what NOT to do when he became a parent.  I didn’t learn about his unfortunate childhood until I was an adult, and when I did, everything about my childhood made sense.  My father refused to miss any of our events ever, and I often was mildly embarassed when he was the loudest and most involved parent, but now I have examples of what TO DO when I become a parent some day.  I won’t miss a thing.  (I’m tearing up over here.  🙂 )  

I also have a kid brother…who’s not really a kid anymore.  My brother was in denial for the longest time that he’s an exact replica of my father.  By denial, I mean that they were mortal enemies until my brother was an adult.  My brother went through definite rough patches…hung with the wrong crowd…did the wrong things…got the wrong grades…etc.  After high school, he joined the airforce which turned out to be the best thing EVER for him.  All of a sudden things changed for him.  He obviously found a reason for change as he was stationed in Germany, met the girl of his dreams, married her, and has since become a great man and a good husband to my lovely sister-in-law.  He makes responsible decisions, takes care of his house, works hard, and genuinely cares about the people in his life (coughcoughjustlikemyfathercough) whaaa??  🙂  

So that’s my family.  Fairly ordinary American family.  What’s your family like?

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I hate Vegas.

lasvegassignI haven’t ever even been there, but I hate it.  We will not be going there as a couple.  Ever.  Where did this hatred come from?  I am not really sure.  The City of Sin.  Gambling, prostitutes, drinking, lights. 

I consider myself to be fairly liberal.  For me, I don’t really care about what choices other people make as long as they get the choice.  My choices are to keep my party guard up around my FI because a few too many drinks, and he’s a lousy drunk.  He’s not abusive or mean or anything…juuuuuuuust a little embarassing.  I know!  That sounds so terrible.  I should be proud of my future husband and say the best of him, but the fact of the matter is that after 3 or 4 drinks, my FI is asking ridiculously stupid questions and trying to sing karaoke to Pink Floyd.  (For another example of my FI being ridiculous when he’s had too much to drink, see the posts about our limo catastrophe.)

I should back up a few steps and tell you all that before I met my FI, I was the queen of my crowd.  I went out many times a week, stayed up late, spent a lot of money, and kissed a lot of guys.  I picked who, what, where, when, why, and how we would enter the night life scene on any particular evening, and my phone would ring off the hook.  About a month before I met my FI, I put the breaks on.  I am not sure how this decision came to be (providence?), but I needed to take a break for real.  I was exhausted and broke.  I was getting too old for this shit.  Then I met my FI who is fairly anti-social and takes a long time to get to know people.  Because I love him and I love spending time with him, and obviously we click, I didn’t mind at all staying home rather than going out, and for the first time in my life I was making massive payments TO my credit card rather than ON my credit card.  I nailed my first contracted teaching job, was accepted into grad school, started to tutor children, and went to bed on time.  Things were so much more simple than they had been before we started dating.

With the embracing of the new lifestyle and the distaste that I have for my FI when he’s had one too many, I shy away from situations where he’d be out drinking, with or without me.  Now, I will say, to his credit, that he’s gotten much better at regulating himself while he’s out, but that was only after a series of arguments where I would confront him about his drinking and he would deny that there was a problem.  At one point, I packed my bags and (almost) left.  After that ugly transition, my FI mellowed out, and my nagging evaporated.  That was a long time ago, and things are much better.

Now we are engaged, and things like the honeymoon and his batchelor party have come up.  Amongst those conversations, Las Vegas has come up more than once.  I have let him know that I refuse to go there, and I’d prefer if he not go either.  I think it is because I know that I would end up being babysitter to a drunk while he’s placing $100 bets and oggling the waitress…I know.  Shameful, but that’s the truth.  Please keep in mind that I have full confidence that my FI is faithful as I am to him, but that doesn’t make his drunken debauchery any less embarassing.  As far as his batchelor party, I know his brother has brought up taking him there as well.  I put my foot down as did my FI’s mother (thank God).  My FI’s brother is a ridiculous self-proclaimed “host with the most” who frequently cheats on his wife and is drunk 95% of the time.  My FI went through older-brother-idol-worship for so long in his youth that if his bro said he was going to take him to Vegas, my Fi would gladly go.  That is why I have spoken up now. 

For the vast majority, our relationship is strong and good.  We rarely have this alcohol issue come up nowadays because we really only go out for drinks or drink at home like once or twice a month.  Pretty tame, right?  I just wish that I could go out with my FI with full confidence that we could have drinks, and I could let loose, and not have to worry about anything.  Sorry, this post is a real bummer.  No zingers today, folks.

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