Tag Archives: bridesmaids

Quick update…

I’ve got too much on my plate over the next four days, so I’m going to sum things up here quickly and then get to tackling my “to do” list.


I wish I was this girl with delicious little cakes and pies on her plate.  But I’m not.  This is what I’ve got…

First, the Weddingbee contest for the bridesmaid dress give away is still going on.  We have until Sunday to get as many votes as possible.  Right now, we need to more than double our votes to bump out first place!  My girls and I are dealing with this as if it were a competitive sport…kinda fun, yet it took over my entire life when I realized that people at work were having difficulties voting since we are all on the same server.  People have to vote from home, which is difficult as people forget or maybe don’t have a computer at home.  (GASP)  Either way, we have 75ish votes, and first place has 170ish votes.  Keep voting.  You can vote here.  Thanks!

Second:  I have an interview tomorrow with a really fantastic school district.  I am nervous and intimidated.  I need to focus and prepare.  I’ve taken the entire day off tomorrow.  I don’t know what I am going to say, and I certainly don’t know what I’m going to wear!  Eeeeeeps!  Wish me luck!  FINITO!

Third:  I have a little paper due today for my class.  It’s in “polishing mode”.  I need to finish it up pronto. FINITO!

Fourth:  I have a group project that is going to be presented in class on Sunday.  I am needing to put some serious effort into this.  I haven’t done much yet….ehgldjfsdlkfjdsljfasdlkfjsdlfjdslkf.  I hate group projects.  FINITO!

Fifth:  This weekend is an on-campus meeting for my distance education co-hort.  If I’ve failed to mention in my ramblings, I am in currently earning my masters degree in library and information science….basically to be a librarian.  Either way, giving up my entire weekend for class is NOT my idea of fun.  FINITO!

6th:  I need to grade papers.  I’ve neglected to do so for my students for like….2 weeks. 

7th:  I need to give my principal my lesson plans for next week.  We are all being spot evaluated.  FANTASTIC.  I love scrutiny. FINITO!

Okay, I’m off to work on these!  I think as I finish them, I will put a nice big fucking line through each of them.  That will make me feel better.  Byeeeeeeeeee!

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Everyone needs a good duck…


Duck!  I SAID DUCK!  Okay, so I need your help readers.  You know how I am constantly entering contests?  And you know how I’ve been fairly lucky so far?  Well now I need that luck to pull through again.  I entered the contest on Weddingbee.com recently to win bridesmaid dresses from Kathlin Argiro, a fantastic designer!  To enter, you needed to make an inspiration board featuring one of her dresses and send it in. 

What is an inspiration board, you say?  Oh my…they are all the good things of a wedding vision wrapped up in some sort of lay out.  My favorite place to find yummy inspiration boards is Style Me Pretty.  They frequently feature inspiration boards that put together color combination and design details that will make your skirt fly up.  Check them out on my blog roll.  Here are a few of my favorites:


I love the lovely candleglow and greens in the one above.  Siiigggghhh…


I love love love this one because I love love love Sofia Capola’s Marie Antoinette.  There’s something about the coquettishness and decadence of this film that makes my nerves stand on end.  I drive my fiance crazy because I will pop this movie into the dvd player whenever I am left alone in the living room for more than four minutes.  My rule is that once it’s in, it has to play in its entirety…


Oh Gawd….”Vintage Art Deco” is the name of this inspiration board, and it just made me orgasm.  I love art deco! 

Anyhoo, I had never created an inspiration board of my own, so I thought this would be a fun opportunity to try.  The inspiraiton board at the top of this post is what I sent in.  Not bad for a first attempt, but knowing what other inspiration boards look like, I had no expectations that mine would even come close to winning.

Buuuuuuuuuuuut….Yesterday Weddingbee posted the top 8 inspiration boards for members to peruse.  AND GUESS WHO IS LUCKY BOARD NUMBER SEVEN.  THAT’S RIGHT!!!!  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  MWA HA HA HA HA!

Whoa.  That was uncalled for.  My appologies…The fact that my inspiration board made it to the final eight makes me laugh embarassedly…If you look at the other finalist inspiration boards  and then look at mine, you will see a marked difference.  Mine kinda looks like the kindergarten finger paint picture that was hung up in a museum gallery amongst masterpieces.  Seriously, I’m not really sure why I’m a finalist.  My helpful and loving fiance said, “Maybe they only had eight entries.”  Thanks for the reality check, love.  For that remark, I promptly made him log on and vote for my board. 

His question, along with others, was, “Why is there a duck?”  Why CAN’T there be a duck?  The duck is cute!  The duck was the perfect shade of yellow!  The duck stays!  I also think the duck might win me sucker points when people are like aww….they let that special girl be one of the finalists…DON’T WE ALL LIKE TO ROOT FOR THE UNDERDOG?  Well this is the underduck…or the underbride…or whatever…

It should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyways…my bridesmaids are FANTASTIC women.  Three of them are teachers and one is an accountant.  NONE of them are rich, and ALL of them are deserving of a free bridesmaid dress.  So even if you are sitting there thinking, “This bitch has won enough…”, just remember, it’s not for me!  I’m selfless!  Not really, but I get nadda out of this!  Only bragging rights…(I do love me some good bragging rights…)

But please!  If you have a spare 10 seconds today, go to the contest page and vote for my board, number seven….the goofy duck board.  And if you have 10 more spare seconds, get someone else to vote.  Get your neighbor!  Get your post man!  Get your granny!  Thank ya!

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See? I’m not such a control freak.

colorsAfter reading my rushed an unedited post from yesterday, I realize that I failed to bring my story full circle…

As a result of the whole limosine/engagement episode, I have outlawed limos for life.  I specifically picked our wedding venue so that we could spend all day there with no need to drive anywhere.  Limos are dead!

Anyhoo, the picture above represents the colorful whirlwind that is going on in my head these days.  I knew straight off the engagement that I wanted green to be incorporated into our wedding somehow.  We are getting married on a golf course, and our flowers are all white, so shades of green will look lovely.  The guys will be wearing navy suits (a throw back to Leonardo DiCaprio’s wedding suit in Romeo and Juliet).  I love that idea. 

So I started on the hunt for the perfect bridesmaid dress.  Automatically I thought strapless because…well…that’s how I think, until my FSIL approached me and secretly begged me not to pick a strapless dress.  So then I thought everyone in a halter type dress…then I thought tell everyone a designer and a swatch and let them pick.  And then I said FUCK IT.  Oops…this is a wedding blog.  How unbridely of me.  But that’s what I said. 

I have decided that I am going to eliminate all bridesmaid stress from my life forever.  They have now all been told “green” and to go pick out a dress that they like.  I don’t care if the colors, length, material, neckline, etc, etc. match at all.  I don’t care what shoes they wear.  I don’t care what jewelry they wear.  This picture is my inspiration for this…


Look, everyone has picked out their own green dress.  Everyone has a dress that they like, and everyone is gorgeous and happy looking.  Plus the variation in color and texture in the picture looks so great! 

I hate matchy matchy….pictures like the one below make me want to throw up:


I mean, look at the girl on the end who’s mean-mugging the camera.  She is NOT happy.  Someone stuffed her into this dress and told her to smile.

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More Traditions, Less Pounds

marie-antoinette-3Last night I started a post on weddingbee.com entitled, “Regional Differences in Weddings” and man, did it take off!  I started it because being that I’ve grown up in the Midwest but spent considerable time in New Jersey and done some other traveling here and there, I couldn’t help but notice all the cultural nuances that go unmentioned that really are wonderful traditions.  Some traditions I would like to steal and incorporate in to our wedding, and some traditions I will never touch with a ten foot pole. 

One lovely tradition that recently came to light is the bridesmaids’ luncheon.  From what I understand from the discussion board, this is when the someone close to the bride hosts a little get together right before the wedding so that the bride can thank all the women in her life.  We are doing something similar but with a twist.  My mother and I will be hosting the luncheon, and it’s actually a bridesmaid’s excursion to Chicago for a day of good shopping and good food.  We are doing this in September this year which is still a year away from the wedding.  Everyone has asked me what we will be doing in Chicago (gotta love the task-minded women with whom I’ve surrounded myself), but really, I just want us to have a relaxing day…maybe get a mani/pedi and then walk around Michigan Avenue and Navy Pier. 

The other tradition that sounded charming (and closely related to the bridesmaids’ luncheon) was the bridal tea.  Someone on the discussion board described this as a drop-in occasion where the bride has displayed the gifts that she has received so far in a pleasing way around her house.  Tea, little sandwiches, and what not are served, and the ladies lunch.  What I like about this is the nostaligic feeling that I get when I think about a relaxing tea party with ladies that I love before my wedding.  What I don’t like is the whole parading of the gifts.  I don’t intend on doing this.  We will have delicious food for sure. 

Then there are some local traditions that I’d rather forget.  The following, in no particular order, are traditions that I am going to try to not have at our wedding: 

The Receiving Line:  150 guests times 30 seconds of chitty-chat = We’ve missed out on our cocktail hour to which we are really looking forward.

The Bouquet Toss:  I always hated being singled out and usually tried to blend in with the crowd until someone would shout, “THERE!  THERE’S A SINGLE GIRL!  GET HER!  TIE HER TO THE STAKE!  BUT LET HER CATCH THE BOUQUET FIRST!”  I will not be doing this to the few single women left in my life.  Period. 

The Dollar Dance: CRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGEEEEEEE  It’s so awful.  How tacky (THIS IS MY BLOG, AND I CAN SAY TACKY IF I WANT TO) for a bride and groom to blatantly beg for money from their guests who have already purchased them a present.  Gross, gross, gross.  NEXT!

The Stretch Limo:  I will not be forking out $600 for a limo so that I can get that shot of me in the limo looking out the window.  Not worth it, folks.  No one cares.  I’ll be driving myself that day unless I can con my cousin David to shuttle me around. 

The Unity Candle:  Our ceremony is going to be outside, and even if we had a candle, it would be a bitch to keep lighted.  Why do people have a unity candle anyway?  Those who love unity candles will say it’s because it symbolizes the joining of the man and the wife in holy matrimony.  The cynics such as myself will say no one knows and people have only had unity candles because they have been brainwashed into thinking it’s a necessary piece of their wedding day. 

The Favor:  We will not be giving out little notepads, key chains, candles, elephants, candy bars, bubbles, bells, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.  That list gets 5 “etc”s because litterally the list of useless crap that is available to purchase for favors is the longest second only to Santa’s naught/nice list.  Why do people give out favors?  Same reason why people have a unity candle.  Because.  We will be totally forgoing the favor in lieu of a photobooth.  I like the idea of a photobooth because if people WANT the photo, they will GET the photo.  There is no waste.  Plus it’s fun.  That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. 

Here are some traditions that I am considering for the abandonment pile:

The Garter Toss:  If we aren’t doing a bouquet toss, then it seems kind of silly to do a garter toss.  I am keeping this one on hold though, because how else am I going to show of my died crinoline!  I know…I’m strange.

The Wedding Cake:  We aren’t really cake people, and even if we were, we’d have a hard time swallowing the $500 it can take to get a cake (pun intended).  Instead we may do cheese cake.  Now we ARE cheese cake people.  Or maybe something else…but cake is definitely not a priority for us.

The Chicken Dance:  I really don’t have a feeling about this one way or the other…I will just tell whomever is running the music that IF a guest requests the GD chicken dance then play the GD chicken dance.  Same with the macarena, electric slide, cha-cha slide, hokey pokey, and any and all Shania Twain music.  (shudder)

The Disc Jockey:  We are considering nixing the dj for a band instead.  We like this idea a lot and have found a band that we want.  It’s a matter of budget at this point…

So that was the “more traditions” part of this post.  The “less pounds” part is that I’m down to 195lbs.  27lbs to go to “normal”.

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I’m a little fat and a little crazy.



fat-bride-cartoonIs anyone else considering breaking up with their fat asses?  We are at 542 days to go now, and maybe I should switch my countdown over to pounds…

That would be 28 pounds to go until I am in a “normal” weight range.  That would be 48 pounds to go until I am at my doctor’s goal weight for me.  Is anyone else trying to lose weight before their wedding?  What a dumb question.  Excuse me…let me rephrase that:  IS ANYONE NOT TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT BEFORE THEIR WEDDING?  And if you are not, also where do you live so that I can come kick you in the pants.  Kidding.  Maybe. 

I have wonderful friends.  Really lovely ladies.  Really lovely tiny ladies.  They range from size 6 to size ZERO.  And they would never make me feel like I wasn’t wonderful or beautiful intentionally, but trying on wedding dresses and being told that my size would have to be special ordered because they don’t carry circus tents is my worst nightmare ever.

Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating…A LITTLE.  Are you sitting there thinking, “this gal is either really fat or really crazy”.  Let’s meet half way.  I’m a little fat and a little crazy.  I am 5’9″, so a healthy weight range for me is between 135 and 170 (although I think someone tall like me weighing 135 would probably look like a skeleton).  My “normal” weight would be 168lbs…scroll up, scroll down, do the math, and yup:  I currently weigh 196lbs.  My “goal” weight (the middle point of the “normal” BMI ranges) is 148lbs. 

I am doing a bang up job this year, I must say, of keeping to my New Years Resolutions, and with the 8lbs that I lost in 2008 plus the 19lbs I’ve lost this year, I’ve lost 27lbs….moremathmoremathmoremath, and yup:  I started out at 223lbs. 

So let’s recap:  I was really fat:  223lbs.  I’m still fat, but less so:  196.  I want to be “normal”: 168.  I want to be “really normal”: 148lbs.  And I have 6 months until I will not be able to hold back my dress hungry bridesmaids any longer. 

Isn’t this blog fun?  Neuroses and numbers all before nine o’clock.


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